if not for you.

manufactured marketing days don't mean much to me and "Father's Day," being no exception but I do pause now and then and think about the guy who played a role in my life knowingly or not.

So Happy Father's Day to those who find these "special days," more special than others and now that I got that out of the way I'll address those like me who don't need a day on the calendar to remind me that I grew up differently.

The older I get the more time I spend or waste, wondering what might have been. Living a life of solitude is a choice that I made for myself. The idea of getting married again after my divorce 45 years ago was not to be and all my failed experiences had everything to do with that. You're welcome ex-girlfriends.

I had one son when I was a kid at seventeen and that little boy with bright eyes and future is now 44, over 6 feet tall and with a beautiful little family of his own. From all accounts that little boy is doing just fine no thanks to me but for being lucky enough that I chose a beautiful loving and nurturing mother that he ended up being raised by. Not one day gets by me that I don't thank God for the person she was and still is.

I wonder sometimes if my father knew his father? I never knew mine and how would my life have been any different if I had? I'm not in the habit these days of wasting a lot of time on things that won't go anywhere but I have thought about what it might have been like if I had some funny ass stories to tell about the time I spent with my dad and some of the stuff he might have said or done. That wasn't to be a part of my life story and I'll just have to talk with my father when we see each other again one day and maybe some missing pieces will fall into place. I'm looking forward to the conversation.

So here's a thought from someone who has been really successful at things that won't matter in the end like a business and finance, and who has failed miserably at everything really important for those of you who have had it all the entire time I was failing. You can walk around a crowded world knowing that every person you see has a story you know nothing about and that one kind gesture from you can re-direct a lonely thought or sadness on a day like this. I know what I'm talking about.

Save me a seat at the table old man we've got some stuff to talk about and we're gonna laugh our asses off. You aren't going to believe half of this shit.. or maybe you will..