Why I reached out to my father who for all practical purposes was a stranger to me I couldn't say. He was in California and we hadn't seen each other since I was a little kid and I was in Georgia trying to keep my life together and failing. The letter writing between us I had forgotten about and considering what all I was going through in my life at the time blocking that part out was probably understandable.
I have 4 hand written, 3 to 4 page letters from my father. Inside those four envelopes are some of the answers to questions I've had for decades and wouldn't have had to ask if I had been paying attention to the important things in life. Perhaps if I had been focusing on the right things I wouldn't have lost my marriage, my family, and the only life I knew. But for some reason, I wrote to my father, the man I never really knew, and he responded with care and concern both for me and my wife and son that he never met. It's all there, written in his hand, and unmistakable.
He started out each of the four letters I have telling me how happy he was to get mine and saying we should keep writing and asking about my health and that of my little family. My father had a massive heart attack and lived through it in 1973 and at the time of our writing back and forth I knew nothing about it. By asking about my health and that of my wife and son this man I only knew by name was sending his care and concern the only way he knew how. He was teaching me about what the important things in life were. (health and family) I'll likely not forgive myself for not acknowledging the love he was offering in his own way and I regret not saying something-
My father retired from the Navy after 30 years of service in 1972 and in 73 when he had his heart attack he spent 30 days in the hospital. He spent the next 3 years working with his brother in construction just to pay off his hospital bills that weren't covered by his service. This doesn't surprise me at all because my mom is that way too always paying her own way.
He bowled on Tuesday and Thursday nights in a league and had a 152 point average. He golfed on those days in the mornings and said he wasn't very good but he enjoyed it. In most of those letters, he asked for pictures of myself and my family and voiced concern because I had apparently mentioned my troubled marriage. Ironically he told me "divorce can only hurt one person, your son.." How "unfair it would be to him," is how he put it. Oh was he ever right and wrong all at the same time as my divorce came extremely close to killing me as well-
The father I never really knew was trying to get to know me the only way he knew how and encouraging me to keep my family together If I could something he wasn't able to do himself.
One interesting thing that I will never in my life get to experience is calling someone Dad. How odd it is that for years that was insignificant to me and how sad it makes me today as old as I am. His fatal heart attack was many years ago and I remember being told but not who it was that told me. My memory is that I was angrier than sad and then sad beyond what I wanted anyone to know. I took great pains in making out like it was just the death of a stranger and not a huge thing. It was and is to this very second writing this, a huge thing. His letters to me as I read them today are filled with clues that I see that he cared about me and how I was. At the time it didn't seem to mean much and all these years later it means the world.
Even though I will never be able to call someone Dad, it was how my father signed each letter to me that I still have. He got to say it and I'm happy he felt that is who he was to me. I'll see you one day again and we will know each other and all will be alright.
